how to speak to fear in autumn equinox
This morning the tide of seasonal change pulled me awake at 4:30 am. As I've tuned into my internal rhythms these past few years I've noticed that this can happen for me as I shift from the heat and fire of summer and move into the hard work of harvest season. The moments before the autumn equinox are a fertile time and I often find myself in the throes of a strong creative current. Are you feeling it too?
I’ve built my business calendar around this internal rhythm: it is when I have launched new community spaces for grief, play, and healing, honed my vision, and taken bold steps closer to the life I want. Over the years, I've allowed myself permission to embrace new professional identities and let go of others that had run their beautiful winding course. I've launched a few successful businesses and found deep joy and satisfaction in doing the work. I thrive on a deep knowing that I am here to serve the collective—and this has taken many shapes and forms as I have evolved as an individual on my own intellectual, spiritual, and decolonizing journey.
And yet, there is a b*tch inside of me who stay judging who I have been on this journey.
Part of the harmful mythology of colonialism is the story that we all have one narrow path and that we should find it in our youth and follow it until we retire. If we are very lucky it will make us millionaires and gift us all the approved trappings of success: a beautiful home, a family, and fame or notoriety.
But for real ya'll, this mythology sucks.
It is in direct opposition to deep ancestral wisdom that invites in a more wholistic view of work that is rooted in balance and follows the natural evolution of the self.
This inherited mythology and its tight grip on our collective psyche is the reason we often find ourselves feeling afraid in moments when we are naturally expanding beyond the confines of that narrow path. This is when the familiar nudges of shame and judgement show up to try and keep us in line. Especially if you’re like me and have found a kind of safety in hiding.
The truth is, it can be really hard for folks who are creative multi-hyphenates and/or neuro-expansive to find their place in the world around them. And even though in this generation we are fortunate enough to build and co-create safe spaces to thrive, that does not come without it's own set of sacrifices and grief!
Unfortunately, these sacrifices aren't always obvious. One of the sacrifices I've made unconsciously over the years is to compartmentalize my identity. What I mean by that is, there are parts of me that I hide in most of the professional spaces I inhabit. Historically, this has been necessary to maintain and ensure my safety as a Black, Queer, Neurodiverse person. But now that I am more expansive than I have ever been and in addition to that have built the kind of emotional, psychological, and professional safety that often feels like a buoyant raft on a calm river —I have to remind myself that I am no longer making that sacrifice a requirement.
We do not get to chose how we are received in the world. But we do have the agency and sovereignty to decide our own path and cultivate our own story. Fortunately we all have the seeds of discretion within us that we can nurture and grow.
Discretion makes it possible for us to assess people, situations, and spaces and determine if they are a good match for our energy and effort.
And we must remember that we are whole and our wholeness comes with its own set of sacred ancestral protections. As Janelle Monae says, “'Im always left of center and that's right where I belong”.
Today I invite you to join me in speaking to the fear that can show up for us as our light grows brighter.
* Today I invite in patience as I continue to grow beyond my wildest dreams.
* Today I open my heart to the gifts of safe connection with myself and others.
* Today I hold gratitude for the brave act of showing up exactly as I am.
Yours in bliss,
V Woods