how to embrace change like a pro (part 1)
…EVEN WHEN THE WORLD IS LITERALLY BURNING.
It is the hottest summer in human history and we are in major transition.
Is it me or does it feel like there is a constant onslaught of change happening within and around us? As our political world implodes, the earth heats faster than congress can horde student loan debt relief, and the prices at Whole Foods become criminal, we've all been doing our best to stay cool and grounded amidst change. As a trauma-impacted, neuro-expansive, air sign with a penchant for dreaming, grounding myself takes a pretty active effort—especially during moments of transition.
To be honest, my life has felt like one major transition after another since 2020. In the past 3 years, I’ve left behind a decade long marriage, stepped more boldly and safely into my queerness, allowed myself the fullness of a gender transition, moved homes, supported my child through adolescence, early college, and the mental health challenges of modern high school, grieved the death of my grandmother and the complexity of our relationship, left a couple "dream" jobs for my own psychological safety and mental health, met my soul’s mate, and shifted professionally from therapist to therapeutic coach and consultant. That is a ton of change for one nervous system yet, I am still here! I’m living with the deepest gratitude (and a bit of surprise) that all that change has brought me more contentedness, more joy, deeper authenticity, and radical safety.
For those of us who live with trauma - and in a world with COVID, that is all of us - it can be hard for our tender bodies to tell the difference between change and danger.
The more I grow, the more I find myself moving through change from a core of SAFETY. Safety - //psychological, social, and collective// - is something I spend a lot of time, energy, scholarship, and healing invested in. I often remind my clients, my kiddo, and my younger selves that our safety is NOT optional. Despite what we have been told by individuals or systems, both blatantly or covertly, we deserve to feel safe.
As a person moving about the world with the identities I hold, this is, unfortunately, a radical idea. We live in a system that is dangerously, terrifyingly oppressive and our basic safety and well-being are always up for negotiation by those who hoard power and resources. This basic fact of my existence, of our existence in this country, on this continent, on this planet, fills me with rage, confusion, anxiety, and sometimes, fear. I know I am not alone.
Yet again, I am still here. I am living in the brave reality of my ancestors intergenerational protection, prayers, spells, and commitment and I do not take that lightly. My safety is a direct result of their resilience, it is a product of their fear and the ways it made them discerning. Change unravels us, it disregulates us and can make it hard to breathe deep in the moment. But despite this, my safety, our collective safety, is a beacon....a light that grows brighter with every healthy connection and boundary, it is strengthened by every moment of rage, anxiety, and fear I manage by connecting deeply with myself with unyielding compassion and love. And incredibly, this beacon of safety reaches backward and forward through time, touching every life that coded its way into the makings of me and my descendants. (#epigenetics!)
So for you, dear heart, on your own sacred journey, I offer 3 ways to embrace change like a pro, even when the world is a dumpster fire… (with audio & captions)
CAPTION: It is likely that at the moment you are reading this, you have taken in several threats to your psychological safety just today. I define psychological safety as…A system of internal and external care that makes it possible for you to move through the world with agency, to cultivate the ability to mitigate and recover from harm, to meet your need for love, belonging, and safety with resources and creativity and in alignment with your personal values, and to build an awareness of the collective and your impact on the psychological safety of others and the natural world.
To me, this is a lifelong quest and is especially needed in moments of major change. Safety is a bit of a mirage in this country, our ancestors did not have the means to attain psychological safety and our parents weren't given the tools to know it was a reality worth reaching for. But, if we're lucky and diligent, our children understand it, need it, and demand it. It requires a willingness to reckon with the world around you and a growing toolbox to greive the shit that hurts you and those around you. This is not an easy ask but it starts with simple questions like, “Do I feel good in my body and heart when I spend time alone? With a specific person? At work?"When I'm not drinking water and minding my business, I'll be on social media this summer exploring strategies on transition and psychological safety. Join me on LinkedIn and IG for a summer meditation series to keep your heart expansive in a world that wants you small and controllable.
Be brave, lovely. You deserve every ounce of safety you cultivate in this world.
I'll see you in the trees!
V Woods